Thoughts & Thangs

Arrested Development or Extended Adolescence?

Moving abroad is of course an exciting adventure, learning about a new city, culture, language, adapting work…it feels a little like going off to college. A lot people’s college days were filled with endless studying but also parties. But only this time, you have actual money to spend.

Living and working abroad for me (right now) feels a bit like my university experience. We lived in apartments owned by the school and so we were not only colleagues, we became neighbors and friends. We would have movie nights, a weekly GOT session, we created a lunch group at school. We celebrated each others birthdays, we borrowed pots, seasonings, and even buckets of water from each other. Between 7:15 am and 4:56 pm Monday through Friday, plus evenings, weekends and other outings, we bonded.

But we’re adults. We’re in transit. This moment in our lives where we all meet at this intersection of time is but fleeting and just as cars may meet and stop at an intersection at the stop light, the green light will signal some of us go on before others. Last year, several of my peeps from my “cohort” moved onto other schools both here and other countries. I was feeling Drakey and in my feelings about it.

As a married, young woman fresh out of my 20’s, there are certain societal expectations. Most married people actually live with their spouses for one. And with that, you do things with your spouse, you build a life, maybe start a family, etc. etc. But I am not in that space. It feels like I have one foot in the door and the other in the pool with my peeps who are here with their partners or living the single life. I love seeing the other teaching couples or teachers with their s.o’s that are here, and the teachers who have their kids and attend all their extracurriculars. I scroll through the IG feeds of my single peeps who are out on the town or country hopping with each other. But I’m in limbo and not the fun kind.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when will it stop being just me, but become me and you?

And you make plans, you set goals, but as my newly doctored friend, Dr. Evans says, “Life be lifey.” Trump happens. Investments, more debt, an almost WW3, (damn Kobe), and now more recently coronavirus so plan change. Dates get pushed back, travels cancelled.

I know that we’re in a culture of the perpetual hustle. The “side hustle pro”, hashtag girlboss, bossmom, mompreneur, multiple streams of income, legacy building, wealth building, all the things, all the bloody things! First of all, I be tired and I’d like to have a hobby besides working. But also, work-life balance. But what about living like no else does now so you can live like no else can later? It’s a constant struggle in my head. And I know black, female struggles (woe, woe, woe). I don’t have generational wealth to fall back on. I can’t spend every break on a beach day drinking (though tempting), but also dealing the mental health, social-emotional and academic concerns of students (and sometimes colleagues) is hella draining and taking breaks from it is a must. I don’t physically take work home but the more experience I gain in the field, the more I learn that the emotional stuff sometimes just hops in your bag with no permission. I be losing sleep. I need to pray more.

Anyway, life be lifey. I’m trying to adult in these streets but the streets have potholes covered in water that I don’t see all the time. On a positive note, here are some adulty things I have actually accomplished:

  • Begun working out 3x per week
  • Installed March’s protective hair style
  • 75% through an online certification for my area of work
  • Can drink more than 1 litre of liquid a day
  • 80% through Dave Ramsey’s Baby Step 1, working on 2
  • Rent is paid up through this semester
  • Got all my corona quarantine basics – water, wine and juice! (of course I have other things)

Yes, of course there’s room for much more. I should have read at least 4-6 books by now, started a photography course, monetized this blog… but I think it’s still important to highlight the “What Went Well”. We are still in quarter one of 2020. Good Lord!!

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